Just Pretend
by EsmeAmelia
Summary: Ben asks questions about Han's father, but Han doesn't know how to explain death to a child.


AN: Everyone knows I don't own Star Wars, but I keep saying it anyway. This was written as a gift for my friend MasterOf4Elements.

"Just Pretend"

By EsmeAmelia

"Did Daddy ever tell you about how he won this ship?"

Two-year-old Ben seemed more interested in the dice than his father's story at the moment. The toddler was weaving the chain through his fingers, making noises of fascination as he sat in Han's lap in the Falcon's pilot seat.

"Well, Daddy _should_ have won it the first time he played sabacc with Lando," Han continued in a high-pitched voice, "but Lando was a dirty cheater."

"Dice!" Ben suddenly exclaimed, dangling the dice from his fingers.

Han grinned down at his son's pudgy face and batted the dice with his own fingers. "Yup, dice. Those were your grandpa's lucky dice, ya know."

"Gwanpa?" Ben cocked his head as if he'd never heard that word before and suddenly Han's stomach twisted. Even though Ben's vocabulary was still very limited, he was old enough to ask questions and he asked about _everything._

"Yeah," Han said after a few moments, looking into his son's large, expectant brown eyes. "Your grandpa. _My_ daddy."

Ben blinked, as if it had never even occurred to him that _his_ father could also have a father. " _You_ daddy?"

"Yeah," Han repeated. "I was a kid once just like you, and when I was a kid my daddy would let me play with those dice just like you're doin' now."

Ben glanced at the dice before looking back up at his father, as if his mind were piecing together the concepts. "Gwanpa wike me?"

What? Why would he ask _that_? Why would a two-year-old think his grandfather _wouldn't_ like him? "Of _course_ your grandpa would like you, son. It's impossible _not_ to like you cause you're just so lovable." He leaned down to rub noses with his son, making him giggle. "He'd also probably be relieved that his son finally settled down and had a family."

"Fam-ly," Ben echoed.

"Yeah. You, me, Mommy, Uncle Luke, Uncle Chewie, we're a family."

"Where Gwanpa?"

Han bit his tongue. _Me and my big mouth_. He'd have to be more careful with what he said around Ben now that he was getting older. "Grandpa's . . . not here."

"Go to Gwanpa?"

Dammit, why did Ben have to be so _smart?_ "No, Ben," Han said, taking a deep breath, "we can't go to Grandpa."

"Why?"

"Cause Grandpa's . . . dead."

Ben blinked, his eyes full of confusion, his two-year-old mind unable to even ask what _dead_ meant. Damn, why did Leia have to be at work? _She'd_ know how to handle this, wouldn't she?

"You know what?" he said after a moment. "Grandpa's _far away,_ so we can't go see him _now._ " There, that was true . . . sort of. Han cleared his throat. "You know, your grandpa worked in a factory where he built ships just like this one. That's why I wanted to be a pilot when I grew up, cause my daddy would show me all these amazing ships that he built."

Ben grinned as he looked out the viewport at the landing platform. "I wanna be piwot too!"

Han grinned back at the child. "Well, you can be. When you get big enough, I'll teach you to fly this ship."

"Yeah!" Ben exclaimed. "Fly to Gwanpa!"

A chill rushed through Han's body as if he were being carbon frozen again. He repeated over and over in his mind that Ben was too young to understand death, so it was pointless to try to explain it to him. What harm was there in indulging a toddler's fantasy for now? "Yeah," he answered with only the slightest hesitation. "We can fly to see Grandpa together and I'll bet he'll give you a big hug, just like this one!" He wrapped his arms around Ben and kissed his head, inhaling the smell of his son's sweat. "Us daddies always give great hugs, right?"

"Yeah!" Ben giggled as rubbed his father's cheek, the dice's chain pressing into his skin.

Then Han got an idea. "You know what? Why don't we go see Grandpa right now?" He rotated Ben's body to face the viewport. "All right, are you ready to go?"

"Yeah!"

"Then here we go! Brrrrruuuummmmm!" Han gently bounced the child on his knee to simulate taking off. "Ready to go to light speed!"

"Light speed!"

"LIGHT SPEED!" Han found himself laughing along with his son. "We're almost there! Vrrrruuuummmm!" With one final bounce, Han shouted, "Look! We're on Corellia! We made it!"

Ben had to take a few moments to calm down after giggling so hard. "Gwanpa here?"

"Yup," said Han, pointing to the copilot's seat. "Why don't you say hi to him?"

Ben immediately waved his little hand at the copilot's seat as if there really were someone there. "Hi Gwanpa!"

Han let out a low, satisfied laugh. Someday Ben would learn about death, but that day didn't have to be today.

Right now he could pretend.

THE END


End file.
